Yes, there really are dumb questions. Follow us on Twitter Send your greatest Aardvark questions to varkfarts@gmail.com Or, submit your own captioned, anonymized Aardvark screenshots var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www."); document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E")); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-11702268-1"); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}Vark FartsTumblr (3.0; @varkfarts)http://varkfarts.com/Just switch hands<p><img src="http://img.skitch.com/20100212-md154wderetuutqug57w1qcdfw.jpg"/></p>http://varkfarts.com/post/385937194http://varkfarts.com/post/385937194Fri, 12 Feb 2010 12:12:40 -0800Nothing says "respectfully" like a economy sized bottle of lube!<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwiclto6D71qze9b7.png" alt="If a woman you just met immediately starts to tell you about her anal fetishes, how should you procede respectfully?"/></p> <p class="hidden">If a woman you just met immediately starts to tell you about her anal fetishes, how should you procede respectfully?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/342989842http://varkfarts.com/post/342989842Tue, 19 Jan 2010 10:58:47 -0800I flipped a coin...seems to be working pretty well...<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwic59cWAI1qze9b7.png" alt="How do you know if you should or shouldn't marry someone you love?"/></p> <p class="hidden">How do you know if you should or shouldn’t marry someone you love?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/342986984http://varkfarts.com/post/342986984Tue, 19 Jan 2010 10:56:03 -0800Gee, you're fucked. Just make sure you've got enough of those "I walked into a door" excuses!<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwf1d5p5lN1qze9b7.png" alt="My boyfriend is very sensitive lately, and get's mad easily. When he is mad, he is mean. How can I tell him his temper is driving me crazy, without making him mad?"/></p> <p class="hidden">My boyfriend is very sensitive lately, and get’s mad easily. When he is mad, he is mean. How can I tell him his temper is driving me crazy, without making him mad?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/339891624http://varkfarts.com/post/339891624Sun, 17 Jan 2010 16:01:58 -0800When you spend all your allowance at Hot Topic, I guess there's no money left for porn<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvyo8g84wn1qze9b7.png" alt="Whats the best site for free goth girl porn?"/></p> <p class="hidden">Whats the best site for free goth girl porn?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/324410328http://varkfarts.com/post/324410328Fri, 08 Jan 2010 19:55:59 -0800Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?<p><img alt="Does anyone know... how long should you wait to ask your girlfriend to get married?" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvwka8gVzn1qze9b7.png"/></p> <p class="hidden">Does anyone know… how long should you wait to ask your girlfriend to get married?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/322352108http://varkfarts.com/post/322352108Thu, 07 Jan 2010 16:38:00 -0800It's the vast worldwide weathermen conspiracy!<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvv115AXJ91qze9b7.png" alt="There are many different weather services. Why are they ALL and ALWAYS the same? The odds are that once in a while one service would announce SUN and another RAIN? No?"/></p> <p class="hidden">There are many different weather services. Why are they ALL and ALWAYS the same? The odds are that once in a while one service would announce SUN and another RAIN? No?</p> <p>Scary thing is that because they have a monopoly on the weather predictions for this great nation, they’ll one day rebel and leave you unprepared on a rainy day!</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/320961815http://varkfarts.com/post/320961815Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:42:00 -0800Michigan girls are never rude<p><a href="http://laura.gluhani.ch/post/312483648/help-somone-with-a-question-about-michigan">lauraglu</a>:</p> <blockquote><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvuqgyMDNF1qze9b7.png"/></blockquote>http://varkfarts.com/post/319088184http://varkfarts.com/post/319088184Tue, 05 Jan 2010 19:19:00 -0800Just start pissing in empty mason jars and leave them around your desk! Maybe they'll get the hint<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvql88sK3S1qze9b7.png" alt="Our entire 7 floor office building has no water and we are restricted to use the bathrooms. How long can they legally keep us here without restroom facilities?"/></p> <p class="hidden">Our entire 7 floor office building has no water and we are restricted to use the bathrooms. How long can they legally keep us here without restroom facilities?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/316737277http://varkfarts.com/post/316737277Mon, 04 Jan 2010 12:12:30 -0800If you're shitty in bed, no pill/ointment/cream/implant/nasal spray is going to get her off<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvql1s9n6r1qze9b7.png" alt="Is zestra effective in hightening the female sexual response?"/></p> <p class="hidden">Is zestra effective in hightening the female sexual response?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/316665333http://varkfarts.com/post/316665333Mon, 04 Jan 2010 11:06:48 -0800Repeat after me...D-E-A-D-B-E-A-T...that's what you are!<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvhn8yFszR1qze9b7.png" alt="What happens to a person when they fail to make a child support payment?"/></p> <p class="hidden">What happens to a person when they fail to make a child support payment?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/308644883http://varkfarts.com/post/308644883Wed, 30 Dec 2009 15:26:26 -0800I seen this place with lots of people - they were walking out with stuff - I think you can go there to get em<p><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4016/4215661117_04cbf022ab.jpg" height="224" width="500"/></p>http://varkfarts.com/post/304979871http://varkfarts.com/post/304979871Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:52:54 -0800I'm Kobe Bryant, and I'm so glad you asked - my house, 9pm, but it's BYOB (Bring Your Own Blow)<p><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4024/4215661147_fc9f7ef814.jpg" height="132" width="500"/></p>http://varkfarts.com/post/304979810http://varkfarts.com/post/304979810Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:52:51 -0800Find the Black Diamond - it will teach you<p><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4038/4211506217_dc427c9155.jpg" height="135" width="500"/></p>http://varkfarts.com/post/304814109http://varkfarts.com/post/304814109Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:45:10 -0800.. and who invented Gravity, anyway? What if we want to fly around, eh?<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvdu3iUtVb1qze9b7.png"/></p>http://varkfarts.com/post/304812458http://varkfarts.com/post/304812458Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:43:00 -0800If I were your "lady love" and found out the roses were from Costco, you wouldn't be getting anywhere near my vajayjay<p><img alt="what is the quality of costco flowers? i'm thinking about pre-ordering the long stem roses for my lady love" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvdnjkEqXl1qze9b7.png"/></p> <p class="hidden">what is the quality of costco flowers? i’m thinking about pre-ordering the long stem roses for my lady love</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/304799244http://varkfarts.com/post/304799244Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:32:55 -0800Cheap bastard...<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kv8god8lbM1qze9b7.png" alt="What is the best homemade porn videos website (free ofcurse)?"/></p> <p class="hidden">What is the best homemade porn videos website (free ofcurse)?</p> <p>It’s because of people like you that my amateur video site isn’t paying the bills. Now Timmy is going to go hungry.</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/300542920http://varkfarts.com/post/300542920Fri, 25 Dec 2009 17:20:15 -0800Life sucks, then you die. Deal with it.<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kv8gi8gycQ1qze9b7.png" alt="What is the secret to happiness in life? how can you make yourself happier?"/></p> <p class="hidden">What is the secret to happiness in life? how can you make yourself happier?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/300475694http://varkfarts.com/post/300475694Fri, 25 Dec 2009 16:11:56 -0800"Too much jacking off"<p><img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kv8ggj1IlC1qze9b7.jpg" alt="If a woman can have cankles. What do you call it when you have a fat wrist?"/></p> <p class="hidden">If a woman can have cankles. What do you call it when you have a fat wrist?</p>http://varkfarts.com/post/300474436http://varkfarts.com/post/300474436Fri, 25 Dec 2009 16:10:34 -0800No book - just try the underpants gnomes<p><img alt="What is the best book on business models?" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kv2zfnBlPg1qze9b7.png"/></p> <p class="hidden">What is the best book on business models?</p> <p>Learn from the gnomes, my friend…</p> <p> <object height="400" width="480" data="http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:southparkstudios.com:151040" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"> <param name="bgcolor" value="#000000"> <param name="flashvars" value="autoPlay=false&dist=www.southparkstudios.com&orig="> <param name="src" value="http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:southparkstudios.com:151040"> <param name="wmode" value="window"> <param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"></object> </p>http://varkfarts.com/post/295910053http://varkfarts.com/post/295910053Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:15:00 -0800